Reflection 2015

        Peace by  Peace was the name of the trip going in this June. Nina and I thought of this name as we were picking up the pieces of what came crashing down two years ago. With the orphanage closing came a dark sadness with no hope and fear for all the children as we sat and heard about it crumbling down on the other side of the globe. Nina not being able to join us for this trip left it to my mom and I to start from the bottom and find a new confidence in the stability of Change for Children. All volunteers came in with an open mind knowing our plans were unclear and not settled. My mind and heart was open not knowing what to suspect. Each time going on a volunteer trip anywhere I feel you always have a new perspective. Rather if it is your first time or fifth time visiting a destination you always have different mind-set. Let me explain my mind-set on my two earlier trips to Cambodia. First trip, it was the first time I traveled abroad solely for volunteer work. The first time is always when you are most open to see new things and in general experiencing a new culture for the first time is indescribable. The first trip I fell in love with volunteering and the anthropology that comes with traveling. The second trip I went in once again not knowing what will happen, just excited to see the faces I had come to love during my first visit. During this trip my relationship with God was rekindled through the bonds with the God loving children of Cambodian Hope Association. So the first two trips, my experience differed greatly, and with my third visit (this past June) I once again went in without knowing what will happen, if not more than the first two visits.We had to go in without an orphanage in mind and find a new one.
            Through friends within Cambodia we easily found a new place to volunteer. This trip maybe my heart was a little closed off to the kids at the new orphanage because I wasn't prepared to meet new faces to replace the old faces I came to hold so dearly in my memories. Also maybe I didn't bond with them as closely because I had missed days with them from getting sick. So my mind-set became the improvement of Cambodia from my first trip 5 years earlier rather than how the orphanage affected me. My boss asked me to document and photograph trash while I was there, seeing as I am a zero-waste intern. I examined alleyways, rivers, houses, restaurants and how they dealt with trash. All along the river side trash lines the shores and gives the water a highly-potent smell, I never come to miss this smell. The garbage is thrown on curb-side streets for the truck to pick up. However, Cambodia faces monsoon rain storms nearly everyday breaking trash bags open and leaving garbage everywhere. I must say this time I saw the garbage truck several times outside our house, first time I've ever seen a garbage truck there F.Y.I. But the remnants of what fell out of the bags are still left to rot on the street. The orphanage we worked at lived along a river and would throw their own trash out the back gate, streaming along the banks of the river. On our last trip we invested in a legitimate trash can for CHA but due to the roof work we had to do time fell short on this trip. With this said I saw recycling taken care of for the very first time. In major city ports and tourist attractions recycling bins existed. Walking through the markets I saw workers collecting recycling from vendors in their carts for a cheap price to then carry to main recycling headquarters. This was a huge improvement I was excited to see. Infrastructure and new buildings are everywhere. Not that I enjoy skyscrapers and the city life, roads and stop-signs are now existent and businesses consume the streets meaning revenue. This money might not be going to the right places in government but it will eventually sort out. More importantly job opportunities are coming to fruition and over the past five years as a wittiness I can state Cambodia has grown tremendously. It is developing into a nation and moving on from its hideous past.
Now back to my experience at the orphanage, the reason of our trip. Arriving at the gates they had a treacherous name for a home for children. Something along the lines of poor organization for helpless kids, a name crying for attention, I quickly tried to forget it. The kids lined up ready to "present" themselves, the whole situation was depressing. How desperately the kids wanted to be recognized and how they had to "entertain" us to get our support for the future was not a pleasant site to see. As the director walked us around he pointed out the mess of the house and all the fixtures needed. This is why we fundraise and come, it is to help the orphanage in whatever way needed. The project we developed was building our own roof to keep them dry. The fact they were too poor to even own a fan made it a sweaty adventure. The roof was put into place and kept them dry through the night. The kids opened up quickly and it was a new experience because not a single child could speak English past hello, not even what is your name? We broke language barriers through games and hugs. By the second day they could count and do the ABC's. Which I am sure they somewhat knew because it came so easily. Seeing even the shyest of the children start to play was super rewarding and sharing laughter and smiles was the best. I learned very few names, possibly as a guard, knowing a name only leads to a deeper connection and I don't know the success rate of this orphanage. We worked very hard and so did all the other workers from the orphanage on the roof and the meals we purchased besides one man, the director. He would often disappear, it was apparent that he was grateful for our work and food, but only when it was finished. When the director isn't on board to help and make a difference we believe the orphanage cant't exist. We laid down the line on how we need to see major improvements for our support. We suggested lesson plans for when the kids aren't attending school, and better upkeep of bills and expenses, as well as the director's apparent desire to actually help the children. The last day the kids were more than loving and upset to see us go but grateful for the fun times and a new roof to keep them dry. Maybe I didn't become as connected because it was so hard to lose all the others from CHA and I didn't want to lose more children again. Or maybe it was a new mind-set on trash.
          I love Environmental Sciences and this trip only expanded my dream to help less developed countries with waste management, water, and just environmental rights and wrongs to save our mother Earth. It was hard to see CHA close but on that note I got to visit lots of children who came from CHA. I've seen babies become children, a girl become a teenager, and boys turn into young men. Just as much they've seen me grow as well. It is a beautiful thing to see how happy they all are after their home closed down and still the most cheerful people I know. Overall this trip expanded my dream and gave me my fill of traveling for the summer, leaving me counting down for my next adventure, college. I know Change for Children will continue on with me in college and I can't wait to expand to new countries, and find new volunteers as I move somewhere new. Volunteering will always be a part of my character and even though I'll be busy in college I will always find ways to help my community and this world. Change for Children is confident in its ability to make hands-on differences throughout the globe within the near future.

Paradise 6/20/15

Koh Rong was spectacular. We were in paradise to say the least. In the bungalow with the ocean view right under our footsteps, there was no worry, no time, just fun and laughter. At times I found it hard to believe I was still in Cambodia. Out of the hustle and bustle of the city beggars disappear, remembrance of the Khmer Rouge is nonexistent, land-mine victims are gone. It truly was a side of Cambodia I got to unearth. The island Khmer people were so happy. Their village was small it is easily a 3 hour boat ride to the mainland so they live with that they have off the docks and in the forest, which isn't much. Darks skinned and not ashamed of it. Island time was much needed and a relaxing quick excursion from the hard work we have done in the city. Tomorrow is our last full day of work and goodbyes.

Warmth of a Mother's Hug 6/15/15

My immune system is starting to kick back up. Still weak and tired I was able to go to Hope Children Hope and see the kids I have known for nearly five years now. Visal, Witchika, Tira, and Cheetah, then Sakada who was the extremely good artist and guitarist from my last visit. They all have grown into children from babies, and for some into teenagers. Witchika, Tira, and Cheetah were the three sisters who stole my heart on my trip in 2011. The three sisters had a little brother they just welcomed at HCH, because the mother is too sick to care for him alone. She came in with us from Phnom Penh to cross the river and visit them today because she was feeling good enough. She is apparently terminally ill, and I remember her being sick from the very beginning and that was why the sisters were always at an orphanage. They were dangling around her and it was nice to see how happy their mother makes the girls and I felt honored we got to deliver this nice gift to them. Tira was the first one I saw as we arrived, still looking the same with longer hair. She was shy at first but immediately remembered me when we made eye contact. Hope Children Hope has expanded immensely and looking better than ever. They bought out next door to be the girls' house. Then the backyard of the boys' house was developed into a playground, volleyball court, soccer field, Coi pond and so much more. After playing volleyball and soccer for a few hours we had to head out because it is on the country side and across the river and not close to home to say the least. It has been fascinating to see these children grow from 2 or 3 to 7 or 8 and attending school now, growing everywhere, and for Cheetah into a young lady, or Sadaka being lengthier with more drawings and better guitar songs. Timon, the director from Germany, has done immense work and it is nice to see some orphanages are successful with kids truly happy and well fed. We told Timon about where we are working and he feels bad for saying it but we understand, and at times he thinks it is better for kids to stay in the country side doing fieldwork they know how to do than coming to the city and being worse-off in a broken-down orphanage. Many orphans here aren't the true definition of one: parentless and abandoned. Most are still in contact with their family, but they were too poor or too sick to care for their children any longer. Or they lived in the country-side and wanted their children to have an education. It is even harder to imagine your parents dropping you off to say goodbye indefinitely, knowing they're doing it out of pure love for a better opportunity, but orphanages don't match their mother's touch or their father's games and knowing they are still out their alive and able to be with that child makes it harder to imagine living without them. In the broken down shambles of where we are working now the little boys were hugging me very tightly never loosening their grip. The director told me its because I remind them of their mothers and that they miss them. I can stand there and hug back easily if that is what they want. Not having your mother's hug for months and even years is hard to imagine at age 6, 7, and 8 when all they want is affection and for someone to notice them back. Without the side-work of rebuilding the orphanage, if I can give them the warmth of a mother's hug I can leave Cambodia fulfilled and happy. HCH is in a lot better shape and a success story so it's fun to play and laugh with them while carrying for the other orphanage more tentatively with a direct plan to better it. I have enjoyed the days I got to spend off bed rest but excited for Koh Rong and a new adventure to the side of Cambodia I haven't seen yet.

Blog Gaps 6/13-14/15

Sorry for the blog gaps and not much writing. I was infected with a parasite and on bed rest for a few days. I can honestly say that being in a third-world country sick is slightly nerve-racking, but I was taken immaculate care of. I had nothing to fear and I am back on track with feeling myself again. Unfortunately I missed time at the orphanage and some of the work. My aunt got the job done for me and made the sad lonely girl smile, giggle, and talk again. The desolated girl, who sat in the front on the ground watching the street and not interacting with anyone, name is Srey Pi. The kids are mean to her and throw her out of the way when she tries to get involved, so she easily gives up and resorts to just sitting. We were told her mother says she is too lazy and can't go to school. She sits there all day while everyone else gets to enjoy school, besides the few ones that are too young. We clearly don't understand why the director has to listen to the mom and not allow her to go, but there are reasons there. When all the children left my aunt was able to play with her and teach her some English, which she picked up fast. It was nice to hear that she had opened up and let herself smile and laugh. I hope with the next visit I can witness this myself. The roof was finished and looking superb for our make-shift idea.

New Faces 6/12/15

Excitement and anxiety explains my feelings of the tuk-tuk ride to the new orphanage this morning. It is like starting all over again since CHA shut down. The faces would be unfamiliar, I won't know any of them. I have to talk to new faces and find out their stories from ground zero. There is much excitement in this though. It was a far ways out to a part of town I was unfamiliar with. We arrived to the gate, and children quickly approached and lined up looking all cute and proper ready to meet us. The smiling and waving existed but there was that awkward barrier, which always happens when unknown visitors arrive for the first time. We walked around with the director as he pointed out places that needed fixing. The building they live in is quite old and has many roof and gutter issues when it rains. This gets the children as well as their belongings (very few belongings they have) wet, this also prolongs sicknesses. Tomorrow we will be patching up the roof with hopes our idea can pull through to keep the monsoon season rain out of the house. That awkward barrier was soon broken and mayhem was let loose when the bubbles and balls came out. The children were soon running around and following the volunteers anywhere they wandered. These particular children didn't seem to speak or understand much English, making it hard to learn names. Possibly they are just being shy and will open up to speak as time goes on. There are 30 in all. Every single one was smiling and so happy to see a new ball that had replaced the broken plastic one they only had. There was only one girl who sat out front and didn't play or blow bubbles, my goal is to change that soon.

Las Mariposas 6/10/15

The strange events came to a halt, with that said I am exhausted from today so excuse the grammar and confusion. It was so wonderful to see no clouds and a clear sunset with an amazing view of Angkor Wat in the reflection pool. The heat, however, was not so beautiful, at least not in the part of me looking somewhat not drenched in sweat. The serene and mystical beauty of all temples is always a joy to take in. Through the stress and exhaustion of the heat we finally made it to the tree temple. The long path leading there is green and lush with high rows of trees and butterflies fluttering along to the traditional Khmer music. The butterflies fly away so peacefully when thousands of people walk through their forest every day to get to the temples and still come close and fly along with the packs of people. Lunch was entertaining as it nearly took three hours due to there only being one chef and one hot plate. So we got to spend more time talking and learning more about when CHA (past orphanage I worked at) shut down. Pov isn't 100% what happened because it happened so fast, but he knows more than we do. The day it shut down cars came taking the kids away, and luckily for what Pov knows, placed them in other orphanages. We initially thought they would have let them into the streets to decide for themselves. Pov and Punleu happened to be in the same car with some more older boys. The new orphanage they went to didn't have school. So after three days the boys ran away and are now living in a house with Rithy (caretaker of CHA) and are going to school now. I can't wait to visit their home this upcoming week and see all the boys who have grown up and are teenagers now from my first visit. The rest of the night was filled with laughter and swimming lessons. Seeing the sunset on top of a temple on top of the mountain, then later enjoying Aspara dancing and the night market. Oh and add eating grasshoppers to the list.

Brighter 6/8/15

Having it be my third time back to s-21 and the killing fields people may assume the horrors of the Khmer Rouge are less shocking. Yes i knew the violent acts and the statistics, but it still takes my breath away. The horrors Cambodians had to face is unimaginable and is still unrecognized today. No country offered a helping hand to end the regime after knowing the rumors of the violence was true and still many people don't know of the genocide. Years of suffering isn't recognizable as you walk through the streets, however, it is covered with smiling faces. The people of Cambodia are defined by the regime and want to remember those who were lost but want to move on into a new society no longer dragged down by the tragedy. My reaction may not be as surprised or torn down walking through these infamous sites as new comers, but my heart still does stop and I can't believe how most people don't know of this tragedy throughout the globe. Cambodia's future is looking brighter and brighter with each new visit. More buildings and infrastructure are being built and developed. I've seen trash cans and recycle cans placed in common town parts all signifying improvement. The dedication of all Cambodians for a better life is truly inspiring. "You reap what you sow," the basic principle of Karma and Buddhism comes to mind. Cambodians work hard and dedicate their life to whatever supports them all in the hopes for Cambodia to soon resemble how hard all citizens work in the development level of the country. Government and politics are still corrupt, but aren't they always? It is inspiring to see dedication depicted here and motivates me to try my best at all tasks that come my way. The busy city lights and noises remind me life can and will go on, as Cambodia is beginning to.

Series of Misfortunate Events 6/9/15

The day started of early to head to the beautiful Siem Reap. The drive from Phnom Penh is about 5 hours and is not smooth sailing to say the least. The roads are in a way paved but covered in ruts and dirt with humps covering the entire road. Sleeping can only last ten minutes until you fly out of the seat and get whipped around. The day had a weird series of events. In the car ride Pov got carsick, now this is common as seeing he doesn't drive around often, but it was the start to an off set day. Before we arrived in Siem Reap we stopped at the floating village and a town that lies along the river. We boated out to see the village but there was just one little thing, the river was dried up. The canal that led to the river was no more than 15 inches deep and we were in a very small boat with seven people in it doesn't get through that easily. We beached every five minutes and were stuck in the blistering heat with the need to push until we could move again. We finally reached the opening of the river and boated out to a restaurant to take a little break from the sun and enjoy the quaint village of people who lived on the water. This village was clearly in a drought and I could only wonder how much their daily life was being affected by it. The rice fields out in the distance were sucked dry and how many fish died when the river dried out? It was nothing like the village I went to in 2011. Still as we left the village all families were outside enjoying each others' company and happily waving to us as we departed. Children were playing and everyone looked so happy. It made me double check being down when I home, when clearly these people were struggling to survive with little to no water, yet never frowned or complained. We finally arrived to the hotel after driving around the tight streets of the night market in a big van for over an hour trying to find our hotel, which happened to be down make-shift alleyways. Everyone was a little hangry and annoyed waiting to get to a restaurant and eat. After enjoying our meal ad finishing our events another strange event occurred, Punleu's glass he was drinking from exploded in his mouth. After confirming all was ok It had been an ironic moment as it explained our day. We simply wanted a drink and to enjoy Cambodia when all plans for the day went a rye, but after the cup exploded it was a laughable moment and we were just glad to be enjoying each others' company with friendly faces of the people always surrounded us.

Arrival 6/7/15

The warmth of the humidity was apparent the second after walking out of the plane. Normally feeling disgusted and done with the heat already, the hot air overcame my body in the upmost welcoming way. Cambodia is where I needed to be and the smell of nothing but joy was passed along in the wind. Greeted with the brightest of smiles and tightest of hugs from friends over the past years only made it that much more enjoyable. Trying to learn new language phrases; only from the best (Pov, and Punleu), made an hour pass as a laughing festival with jokes pointing towards us at our horrible pronunciations of any Asian language. The night was filled with happy faces, but dreary eyes as jet lag took the best of us. I pray this upcoming trip brings happy memories.

Story of the Children When the Orphanage Shut Down!

Just received today an email from Buntheon, one of the young adults at the orphanage ...

The situation is terrible for these children ...
We continue our fundraising to be back ASAP and help save these children!

Your support means a lot to us! Thank you all!

"Hello , LULU, this is Bonthoeurn. how are you? i am in a scared condition. i want to reply some your questions of whom came to the orphanage. On 3rd of July 2013 it was around 9am morning i was in the office playing piano with sister Rose and there were some higher people and cars at the outside door. i was getting stuck. i locked the door for them. they got in and blamed us for not ready for their coming, but they didn't tell us the date or time they might come.Me and Rose was in a circle discussion they read some documents for us with some points saying that the orphanage is closed from now on and i was out of words, getting stuck and so afraid. After a while mum chanthea came back from the market,wondering what was going on, she looked pile and lost her words. She was called in to the discussion as well. we all were questioned with heart jumping up deeply. It was nothing to be said , very scary.
Some of the officers from ministry of interior , Ministry of social works, municipality, chief of commune, chief of village and other two organization officers. After questioning, Rithty arrived, he came back from Kompong Cham province. he came to deal with them and i go out. not so long, the children all came back from school. Those officers immediately forced me and all the kids leave and take the van without allowing us to have lunch. some of the children was in school uniform, without clothes exchange they were forced to packed up all the their materials and left the orphanage.Some of them tried to escaped,Just like Beltie students and ran to hugg Rose and mum Chanthea crying, very, very very very very scared.!!!! Everything was in crazy panic situation. Everyone was crying and hugged each other. They didn't want to leave. They screamed and shouted for help,but Rithy or Chanthea could do nothing because they were threatened, just standing crying and see the children their beloved sons and daughters leave. If you could imagine of that time what would you feel!!!!!!!!!!
we need much and many helpers. who can help us in this condition????????????????.After that me and all the kids were taken to different places, without knowing where to go. and i didn't know more information about Rithy. It hurt the kids emotion so much , because they have never been separated or faced this time before. we all are too young to understand everything. Just leaving with sorrows and and felt stuck , afraid , fear, need help. After a nightmare sleep at other place, me and some other adults insisted those people to leave there and tried to contact to our family to come assure us and took us out of there. Now i am with Rithy to stand by him if i can comfort him some.but for most children still stay in some places and i don't know how they are now. i feel so pitiful and painful . do you feel like me??????????? there is no justice in Cambodia , i shouted out. they didn't think of the kids.we are trying to find solutions now to what we can do. Khmer kill Khmer for money, corruption................Still more things and more to solve .Rithy will be summoned to the court. Thank you to let me write message and thank you to read my message, i hope you will understand. learn about Cambodia society. i hate this society so much!!!!!!! i will tell you more details when you come. and i don't know what things would be tomorrow.*:(( crying This will be in my memory and eveyone's memory forever. Does it sound like Khmer Rouge regime.?To me , absolutely it is."



Please help us send help out there as soon as possible to 

help the kids get back home! Donations are greatly

 appreciated find out how at Changeforchildren-vail.org

Inspire Hope Trip Reflection 2013

Sitting down after two weeks of being in Cambodia has given me a lot of time to self reflect and really think, dream, and pray about every single moment and memory that occurred there. The hardest part is to think of what we accomplished while there for the kids and what we learned ourselves. What we learned there will always stay in our hearts and hopefully change our every day life to be someone bigger and better, after discovering what we saw on our adventure. For the children's sake it is hard to take into consideration of what we accomplished and how it possibly wasn't just flushed down the drain. Only several days after we left the whole orphanage was shut down! The government came to do their biannual check up to make sure the organization was legitimate and actually supporting the kids in a correct way. Leaving the orphanage I have never seen the kids so happy and grateful for life with three meals a day and school to also attend every day. But apparently the government didn't agree they saw it in a different way and thought the kids weren't taken care of.  I am scared and shaken up writing this knowing deep down inside the kids are gone I most likely will never see,hear, or feel the love of all these children again. I am heartbroken; just sitting here all the way across the world and not having the chance to save these children one by one because I can't do anything I haven't already done all the way on the other side of the globe.

As if the life of all these children haven't been traumatic enough. Coming from a home where their parents most likely abused, or abandoned them and didn't know how to care for them and either they left and ran or their parents may have even died, gave the children severe attachment issues. For an even more traumatic event to occur of being separated from 30 other brothers and sisters and a blessed home and the opportunity to attend school is even harder to soothe those attachement issues. The most heart wrenching  part is since they were left on the street by the officials they are probably going right back to the only other home they know with their parents who don't deserve to have such extremely talented and amazing kids they don't care for. If they really don't have family the worst part is they could be going back on the street into prostitution or drugs and gang life. Hopefully which some of them did do is they looked for new orphanages or safe places to be and stay at. A day does not go by of when I don't think of all the kids and I pray for them every day to stay close to God ad know this is only a sharp turn in the path of life God has planned for them.

Going back to think of what we accomplished on our trip has been determined. We gave the children hope. Hope, to realize what amazing life they can have and the special talents they all possess. How to take advantage of that talent God blessed them with and use it to become the best they can possibly be. I saw how strongly they connected and believed in God. I pray they live close to God through this rough past week they had and can see that God isn't abandoning them he is just making their relationship stronger. If they can stay close to God throughout this turmoil then I believe they can accomplish anything in this whole world. No task could ever be too big for them to complete if they just keep praying and trying hard to stay close to God. I believe they learned from us to always have fun while learning and trying difficult things. To try their best when maybe they don't understand the situation or task to be done. And if they stay close to God throughout it all they can complete anything out there.

On this trip I grew as a person and believer of God more than I could of ever imagined. I knew what all of the children had been through and how close they still were to God even after that bad of situations had been presented to them in their life time. I knew that if they could face that hard of challenges and still be the most caring and loving people I've ever met, then no challenge was too hard for me. I now can grasp a greater appreciation for the life I live. Thinking of challenging times in my life so far can't even compare to the challenges these children have faced. I then grow such a great appreciation for the family I have; the shelter, food, and love I am granted with every day. These are the simple things in life people don't realize are taken for granted of every day. Just the simple security and safety of having a roof over our heads, and abundant amounts of food, and just the simple hugs and kisses your greeted with every day are taken for granted so much. Not even just in Cambodia possibly the neighbors next to you are waiting for the day they don't worry how they are going to survive this month on little to no money. It is time to check the life you have now do you have the simple comfort of three meals a day, including snacks and treats, or clothes to be warn and show all the new styles, and a simple roof over your head that keeps you warm or dry in colder seasons and shade as a place to cool of in the summers? Do you have even just one person in the world that loves you more than you could ever imagine? If you checked of just a couple of these than you are lucky enough. If you strongly believe in God he will give you just enough to survive. It may be the bare minimum but it is better than nothing and if you still strongly believe in him than you'll know he will always be there taking care of you and won't leave your side and can help you get out of the hard times. This trip was a reality check to how everyone has something in their life they could change to really make a difference in how they act and appreciate things. I am truly grateful for everything God has blessed me with. This trip also made me realize I will not stop helping underprivileged kids until the day I die. This journey of helping others has just started!

Feeling Inspired By Hope

             Inspired is the one word to describe the feeling I had the other night at CHA. When we arrived it was quiet at first with all the lights off, we had figured the kids had fallen asleep early and I had no idea I was about to experience one of the most inspiring moments in my life. As the gate unlocked a wave of music and singing over came my ears. It was the sweetest noise I’ve ever heard. Not sweet as in good, sweet as in the adorable voices all of the kids had even the tone deaf high-pitched ones. Pon Leu and one other boy his age (15) were playing the guitars while all the others were singing beautiful worship songs. Of course they were in Khmer and I had no idea what the song words were, but I felt overpowered by joy and love.  I knew God had brought us together as one and the language barrier between us was broken by dance and song for the Lord we all love. Seeing how much each child there loved God so much I knew I loved these kids even more because I wanted to follow in their steps. The steps they took to come from nothing, and can even be considered filth to rise above and bloom as beautiful flowers through God and their faith. I knew my faith needed some tightening and strengthening after seeing all these children rise above through their faith and really love life and start to see and understand why they were brought into this Earth and see their talents and their potential. I know God has a great plan for all these children and knowing they came through the hard times in their life and still believe and trust in God is just overpowering my body with chills and is a motive for me to be stronger in my faith!

            I came here for the mission of first spreading my love hands on but also helping the kids realize through God they have amazing talents and have the potential to do and be whoever or whatever they want to be. Last night gave me the sense that they already realize maybe not their specific talents or what they are suppose to do in their life time but know that God has a plan for them and they are ready for what it brings. Heck, most people don’t realize what they are suppose to do on Earth until they are elder. My plan is to help the children here in Cambodia everywhere realize their special talents God blessed them with and how to take advantage of their talents to become something in their life and get out of the slums. I know that each and every kid at CHA is amazing and has the potential to become the career person every child dreams of being. While helping the kids here it opened my eyes more of being connected to God and realizing I was put on this Earth to spread my unconditional love through God’s word and know that God has a grand mission for me while I am on Earth. I help the kids realize their potential as much as they help me realize mine.  I am sad that I only have one more day here in Cambodia but it will be well spent and I will learn greatly from this and hope the children at CHA feel the same. 

First Goodbyes, But So Much More To Come

Hope Children Hope is an orphanage full of crazy talented and beautiful children. It is very small but the love is still bigger than ever imaginable. All 16 kids can read and speak English well. All are talented in the arts, rather it is drawing, or playing instruments, singing or dancing. One named Hang, is an inspiration to me and has imprinted on me for a life time. I can't wait to see what he shall become as he grows older and I can watch and see his growth. The first night walking into Hope Children Hope, the urgency of the kids to come greet us was exciting to see and made me excited and anxious to see what the day would bring. However, Hang at first was very slow to open up and greet us until I went to introduce myself and talk with him. As soon as he realized we only brought good intentions he was glad we were there and REALLY opened up. He liked to show us off all his talents, and trust me there are many. The story books we brought them he liked to read aloud to all the children and his English was spot on. Then he played his guitar for us while singing. He was also very good at karate and tried to use his moves on me but it was hard for him because no one can take me down... ! He isn't the only child there who is full of talents. Last night as we arrived many of the older boys were outside on electric guitars with all the kids rocking out. It was the project manager's, who lives in Germany, birthday. The kids were more than happy to see birthday cake and soda and even more happy to see us covered in them. I was covered head to toe in icing and cake, and the kids thought it was the funniest thing and the bugs everywhere were even more than happy to smell the sweetness on me as well! The party fun had to come to an end unfortunately that meant goodbye possibly forever if some of the kids leave. This goodbye was hard but I was able to hold the tears from dripping down my face and slowly wiped them from my eyes trying not to be obvious. As I held all the kids tight I knew God has a grand plan for their life time and I see all the great talents God granted them with. I pray all the kids realize the talents God granted them and they don't take them for granite and really use their talents for their advantage to get a better life. I hope I helped all these children realize their potential and stay off the streets, I can't wait to see their progress soon.

It feels so heart warming to finally have the chance to spend a FULL day at CHA. The kids were more than happy to see us and finally get to play with us more than just a couple of hours. The day went by fantastically but way too fast. I can't believe I only have two more full days with my loves. The days will be full of fun and play while we all learn important facts about ourselves as we help the kids' potential shine through and they help us rid our impurities of the past to move on and appreciate life. All the kids are so loving and you could never imagine someone from the past they lived be so kind and caring after that hardship. They teach me and hopefully all the volunteers to move on from our past in full force and to forgive and forget knowing God only has greatness planned for you ahead. I see the beauty in all the kid's lives and even though they don't have a lot they have each other, God, and the desire and want to succeed in life. I use their life as a demonstration for me and hope to only learn from their experiences and live a great life just full of compassion and love even when the times get hard. All the kids I have gotten to know so close throughout this trip will stay with me forever and I can't wait to see what lies ahead on this great voyage among Cambodia.

Half Way Gone

Seeing as it is already day 5; I try to look back and see what we have accomplished. Though I know it is a lot (providing more beds, a trash can,cleaning, the list goes on and on... and of course our love) I'm starting to realize how 2 weeks could never be enough time. Even 2 months, a year, could never be enough time to accomplish the needs of every child and where they live throughout all three orphanages we have and will visit. Already only having two visits to the orphanages, unbreakable bonds have started to grow. I can see it not only in myself but all three other volunteers as well. I remember three days ago when we met Deborah, a handicapped two year old at CHA, she has small but good movement on the ground but still very weak and frail. As she turned to her stomach she saw my mom walk in; she tilted her head and back up (in a superman pose) and smiled with all the muscles in her body she can use to move towards her. My mom rubbed her and made her muscles relaxed will Deborah looked at her in awe. Tears started to come to my eyes out of pure happiness as I witnessed Deborah and my mom immediately connect. I feel the same about the others here and myself as well, we all connect with kids and it is a spectacular sight to see. I love all these kids so much and I already know the good byes will be painful and hard. Luckily for us we still have half way more to go. I still have more time to grow even bigger bonds and fulfil the kids' needs more! I am excited to see what it shall bring and can't wait to spread my love even more . These kids are my life and I won't stop helping them until even past my death as this organization carries on as a legacy!

These past two days have been loads of fun at CHA, we play soccer and sports from the time we step in to when we leave! Yes it is extremely fun to play, but you have to understand it feels like 80% humidity out here, you're just sweating sitting there. But who could say no to "sister, sister, play!" as their cute little faces are screaming it at you. The trip has been full of interesting adventures seeing as we are the "bekrong" (foreigners) here. Every where you go or every step you take some ones eyes are watching you. As I sit up here typing this in the guest house, one visitor, I am assuming friends with the workers, took a video on his phone of my sister walking up the stairs and down to our room. Yeah, it can get a little creepy at times!  Or just today we went to the National Museum and the monks walking around kept asking us to take pictures with them, one even asked if we could take one with his Grandma, so for the most part it is funny and not creepy we're just famous. The culture here is just different in that they try super hard to be as white as they can and have bleach in everything like their lotions and things; while we try to get the best tan of the summer as if it is a contest. The days have gone by too fast playing and working with the kids, I can literally see time flying. Hopefully the rest of the trip brings nothing more than happiness and love.

Unlocked

6/15/13
The gates open and all the memories flush back into my mind remembering every little detail from two years ago. From each and every single kid's name and the special moments we spent in this or that specific spot; the opening gate, the building, the rooms and all the beautiful paintings are still there in the back of my mind. The shyness of all the children hiding in their rooms waiting for the ok that we are good and not bad, sort of stings a little. I wasn't shocked that no one remembered me specifically but the fact that they got hurt so bad they can't even be welcoming or trust worthy of anyone anymore. Long story short many volunteers went to CHA and started many bad rumors getting the police involved and almost causing it to shut down. I shouldn't be shocked that Rithey (the director of CHA) is very hesitant when it comes to people just walking in off the streets to "help" because when it happened last time the kids were scarred for life from the terror it brought upon their lives. As we warm to Rithey we have the chance to play some soccer with the boys and one girl who actually played quite well; Sry Teng. After touring the orphanage we went around trying to find what was needed to be fixed or purchased. We found they needed more mattresses because five were sleeping on the floor. So right away we go on the hunt for the mattresses needed and find them purchase them and deliver them right away. Hoping the fact that we just spent all this money is going to help Rithey see we are there to help not to turn them in and break down the orphanage any more. Tomorrow we will return and can only pray they let us in and accept our warm welcoming so we can be there for the remainder of our trip.

6/16/13

When I was here three years ago I grew a very close bond with four young children three of whom are sisters and one who is just a friend. Visal, Cheetah, Witchika, and Tida, stole my heart two years ago with their beautifully loud and sassy attitudes.... Unfortunately when everything went bad at CHA they moved out to the villages into another orphanage, Hope Children Hope. The trip out there started out quite impressive with us getting on a cargo ship while still sitting in our Tuk-Tuk and watching about ten cars and dozens of motos just line up in the small cargo ship, leaving their engines on while we cross the rivers to get to the village side. It was a site to see and fumes probably not to good to be around. Hope Children Hope, is well off with children that are all very smart in their own way but all know how to speak and read English. One boy knew how to play the guitar, read perfectly in English, and was an amazing artist. It was amazing how smart all the children were.The play time with the kids was great while we sat inside during the torrential down pour that occurs each and every day. We learned some new karate moves, patty cake games, and best of all some Khmer dance moves from the director and all the kids. The kids were amazingly bright and full of personality, I can't wait to visit them again.

However, today was not all fun and games. My Aunt who came Friday left today she just came up for a short weekend visit with her friend from Aussie. My Aunt has been helping us with fundraising tremendously down there and is coming next April with other moms and friends around Australia to come and volunteer to teach English. I could not thank her enough for the support she has given us and the effort she has put in to keep this organization up and running. However it is sad she had to leave so I will miss her greatly but have more great people I will be meeting and creating new memories with. I can't wait for what this trip has to bring and I hope while I'm here I can accomplish my task to fill children's hearts with love and show them their potential.